the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
