super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this just has baby written all over it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize