Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
