Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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