my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
