I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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