I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
