some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
