ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found a bag of teeth...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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