Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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