It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up under a house in Key West