if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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