I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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