To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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