I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
