a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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