Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
