Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
