Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here