I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
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they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im part way to drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?