oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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