we have officially lost it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
