I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
