The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
