that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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