So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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