i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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