I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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