drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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