can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize