I think my fart just growled at me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
