Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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