there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
