you're like a bully in the Christmas story
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
