normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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