I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.