i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
