bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
