Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.