you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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