it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
