I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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