I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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