When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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