youre lurking in front of me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
