I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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