I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
