Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are the jesus of drinking
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
