6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
