Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
