your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
