While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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