hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order