I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
