When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
