you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
