Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.