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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my cup is half full, half full of rum.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"

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• (916): View more from California

  She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (801): View more from Utah

  If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?

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• (872): View more from Illinois

  i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.

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