Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.