not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.