the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?