Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
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I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS