I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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