I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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