no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
