Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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