I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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