You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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